Headed Home

I have not written in a few weeks. The words have been there, but I have been busy making the arrangements to return home. The opportunity, if you can call it that, just sort of happened. My partner and I just decided to do it. We had planned on waiting and saving money, you know, the smart responsible thing to do. But she is going with or without me, so here we go.

We are scraping every cent together that we can. i have sold my beloved camera system, and we are selling the things we have collected here in Texas for a dollar here and a dollar there. We arn’t paying our bills this month, we can’t do both. I will owe alot of people money when the wheels hit the ground in Maui.

Our child is coping with the transition of seeing the things in the house go, he has endured so many changes in his short life. Once we are settled, I hope this will be the last.  

I am anxious about this move. I have a job as a dive instructor when we land, and that will at least be some income if the weather holds. I have a lead on a real job with a youth organization, I hope it becomes a reality. She has had one phone interview, but no call back. I am counting on her to get a job quickly, anything to bring in some income.

So here we go, not the journey I had thought would happen. I thought she would have left me by now. She may still. I am trusting our family will stay together, but I have done what I need to do, I think. I am always thinking on that point. At least we will all be trapped on the island together, and I can still see the child that has become the love of my life.

 

Can’t Get out

I have been unable to hit a trail of any kind in about 9 months…well since last August. I have never been this long without dust on my feet. This morning I woke to the crying of my 2 year old in the next room and understood the turn my life has taken, and why my soul seems disconnected. I took custody of him with my partner last fall. We have been scrambling to raise enough money each week to eat and get fuel into the car so we can get to work. No time or funds to get away from it all.

We live in suburbia just north of metropolis. There are municipal trails I have taken advantage of. They are very nice, with light poles so you can walk in the dark, and beautifully manicured lawns on both side of the perfectly cemented trail. every once in a while trees have been planted to give the impression of forest, even if they are perfectly spaced.

At lease there is wildlife. Society here calls them cougars, I call them plastic moms. This is a town smack dab in the middle of too much money and not enough. The trend for the above average looking woman is to marry well, have a few perfect looking kids, drive really expensive cars, and wear designer clothes…even to walk. I understand they are out looking for you handsome bad boys to sleep with. I am glad I am not on their list of prey, I might never go outdoors again.

There is a pain in the middle of my chest. Tylenol and Tums have been ineffective. I am hours and hours away from the ocean here, and I here it is not worth the drive anyway. No trail dust covers my hiking boots or running shoes.

I can only visit during the little time I have to meditate. I can see the bend in the trail, the climb, and the green of IAO. A green so intense the colors pull your soul out, play with it, then put it back through your cornea.

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Where to go?

So I have a preliminary packing list, and nowhere to go. Right now I cant put enough money in my gas tank to go anywhere but to work and back. I am trying to find a way to change that so I can change things. I wish money was not a factor, but that is our world.

I have spent many a daydream wandering along a long path. From tall trees and green meadows, to open dramatic deserts. I want to raise enough to see it all, in one shot. Spend some real time wandering, living away from this life.

 

So to do this I will need a real plan to put away money to take care of my expenses that will not go away, get rid of some, and provide my essentials while ont he trail for several months.

Then just go.

GO

GO

GO

Packing list

This is the first gathering of a packing list. I expect this will meet with many revisions as I gather the items, weigh them, decide on their importance, see missing necessities, and hopefully consider your feedback.

1 Large Internal Frame Backpack

1 3 Season Tent

1 Camp Stove

1 Water Purification System

1 Solo Kitchen Kit

1 30 Degree Sleeping Bag

1 Sleeping Mat Self Inflatable

1 First Aid Kit

1 Small Digital Camera w/accessories

1 Journal

1 Mechanical Pencil with Lead/Eraser Refills

1 Bear Box

50 Ft Rope (Climbing Rated)

1 Pair Hiking Poles (with mono pod attachment)

1 Pair Medimum Weight Boots

1 Pair Light Running Shoes

1 Hygiene Kit

1 Pair Polarized Sunglasses

1 Booney Hat

4 Cotton Bandannas

4 Pairs of Hiking Socks

2 Pairs of Running Socks

4 Pairs of Silk/Poly Undies

4 Silk/Poly Sports Bras

2 Pair Convertible Pants

2 Short Sleeve Poly Tees

1 Long Sleeve Tee

1 Micro Fleece Zipper Jacket

1 Micro Fleece Pants

1 Set Lightweight Long Johns (poly)

1 Set Rain Wear (Jacket/Pants)

 

 

Packing

I want to pack up my life into small boxes. Right now, in different locations, my life exists in boxes that cannot afford to travel. Some in Apple Valley, my home, some in Maui, where I left my soul, and some in the boxes left next to those hearts I have hurt. I need to bring them together in forgiveness and growth, and store them in one spot where the boxes will be safe.

Hello world!

Hello world, join me for a journey from me to me. At 36, my life is nowhere in the realm of what I wanted for my life. So I am embarking on a new trail to create me from the remnants of what remains after years of self-indulgence, bad decisions, and hurtful actions. I am willing to take some drastic measures to save my life. This is my story.